this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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