whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
