i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
