Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
