It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
