I hope mine doesn't look like that
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
