tell your sister to shave her snatch
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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