how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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