Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
