at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
