I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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