We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
