I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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