just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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