Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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