but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
