forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
