if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
