you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
