no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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