Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
