I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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