she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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