so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
