I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
