I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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