**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
