i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
