Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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