Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
