a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
