So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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