You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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