Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
