That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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