day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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