Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
