And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
