WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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