he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
