Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
