We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Randomize
