is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
