i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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