I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Everything about him screamed your future.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
where are my eyebrows?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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