We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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