your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
