I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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