I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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