Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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