Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
